how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
