I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
