Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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