If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize