I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
be right there i have to get my cape
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
