I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
