Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
