At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
