Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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