She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
