it was like his penis was on wheels.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
