well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
