Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
