Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
