No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
