I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize