ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
