Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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