I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
