ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
