i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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