a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
