just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Randomize