When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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