He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
