"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Randomize
