Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
