you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
