Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
