My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
