she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
