Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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