I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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