it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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