Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize