Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
