Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize