You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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