Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
worst night to have a conscience
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
