May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
