I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
