I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
