Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
