oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
