By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
