Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
