there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
