I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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