I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
