And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
