I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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