He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize