I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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