You smell like a Billy Joel song
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
