I want to walk on stilts...naked
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
