i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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