but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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