that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
