I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
