My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
