Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
