So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
FUCK WHALES
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
